The Book Song
by Astris C
Summary: New episode from Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared. Come on guys, stop mucking around. Let's learn about books!


_Author's Note: The content of this story may not be suitable for young children. Some gory imagery is included, being that this is the nature of the show._

* * *

The calendar with the date '19 June' is stuck on the wall. The three friends are sitting on the sofa watching a television programme, just as the last scene is playing. The narrator's friendly voice concludes,

"And the moon fell down from the sky and lived happily ever after!"

In the television, a white smiley face falls into a river with a splash.

The three friends shout,

"Hooray!"

The words "The end" appear on the screen, and the television fades black.

"That was fun!" comments Yellow Guy.

"That was exciting," Red Guy says in his monotonous voice, nodding.

"But what do we do now?" Duck Guy asks in his raspy voice.

The three friends turn to stare at the television screen. The blackness stares back at them.

"I guess we just have to wait for our next show," suggests Red Guy.

"Good idea!" Duck Guy agrees.

They sit and wait in silence as seconds tick by. Suddenly, a book falls off from the bookshelf, and climbs up to the top of the TV, shouting,

"Does anybody love to read?"

The three friends answer in unison,

"NOOO!"

The book starts singing,

"Well that's a shame! Because...

 _Books are better than TV_

 _Novels better than movies_

 _If you don't agree then you're silly_

 _Because books are better TV"_

"But why?" protests Yellow Guy, "TV is-"

 _"TV's bad for your eyes_

 _TV's bad for your mind_

 _It's better if you believe me_

 _That books are better than TV."_

"Books sound really boring," remarks Red Guy.

The book glares at Red Guy.

"You will be the first to taste a page!"

One of the pages from the book tears itself out, crushes itself up, and flies into Red Guy's face.

"Ow."

Suddenly, pages start floating down from the ceiling, and the three friends find themselves in a library!

"Wow! It's a library!" exclaims Duck Guy.

"Lovely!" says Yellow Guy.

The book is pleased.

"That's right! Let's go on a tour!"

The book leads the friends through the different sections, singing,

 _"The library's for the book readers_

 _There's not a single TV here_

 _You can stay in the library_

 _If you just pick up a book!"_

"But which one should I choose?" Red Guy asks.

Duck Guy: _"There's comics and mystery, ancient history!"_

Yellow Guy: _"Books about oceans! Books about space!"_

Duck Guy: _"Rows and shelves and shelves and rows!"_

Book: _"Close your mouth or get out of the place!"_

Duck Guy looks down and says sadly,

"I have a beak."

The book continues his tour,

"Before choosing, everyone must know that books are divided into two main groups!"

" _There are two main sections_

 _The fiction and the non-fiction_

 _The latter's good for revision_

 _While fiction's bad for your brain."_

Yellow Guy gasps.

"But I like White Face's Adventures In The Sky!"

Another book on a table opens and closes itself repeatedly, saying, "Bad for the brain! Bad for the brain!"

"Now _you_ heard my friend!" says the book,

 _"Reading brings knowledge and fills up your mind_

 _Has all the answers you're wanting to find..."_

Red Guy: But all of this is true for TV.

Book: _That's what you think now, but you will soon see..._

"Books are better! Taste another page!"

Another page from the book crushes itself up and flies into Red Guy's face.

"Ow."

 _"And among the non-fiction_

 _There's just one restriction_

 _Grab the oldest edition_

 _And all the rest are just trash._ "

Yellow Guy: What?

 _"TV's bad for your eyes_

 _Books are good for your eyes_

 _That is no surprise_

 _Because TV's bad for your eyes."_

"But Mr Book..." Duck Guy begins.

 _"Books are better than TV"_

Yellow Guy: No!

 _"Novels better than movies"_

Duck Guy: Wrong!

Meanwhile, the book on the table continues, "Bad for the brain! Bad for the brain!" Red Guy flings it onto the floor and steps on it. The book bleeds.

The singing book passes them an empty book each and makes them sit down.

 _"Now sit on the couch and just pick one!_

 _It's going to be a lot of fun!_

 _You will enjoy it, but if that's not true,_

 _Just keep on staring until you do..._

 _Until you do..._ _Until you do..."_

The three friends sit there staring at their empty books. Ages go by, and the whole library starts to vibrate. Yellow Guy's eyes bleed and pop out of their sockets. Duck Guy's head explodes. The book Red Guy is holding keeps growing and growing, and is eventually big enough to devour him whole. Red Guy disappears into the pages. Lights flash before his eyes. Words swim around endlessly, and he briefly sees a skinny yellow figure shelving some books. He screams monotonously,

"Ahhh..."

The three friends wake up in their sitting room. All the books on their shelves are lying on the floor. Just then, the TV flickers to life again. Duck Guy says,

"Look, our show's on!"

THE END


End file.
